If you're listening, sing it back...

When my appetite is suppressed like this I sometimes forget to take into account that the discomfort in my stomach and mild fatigue/dizziness I experience is more than likely caused by a lack of sustenance. ...It's not even that I can't force myself to eat easily, I just don't think to eat as much as I should. This is just a random observation, I'm not concerned. I always stay hydrated and the suppression ceases before any damage is done.

When I'm about to get online I always think of how many things I could be doing on it... LJ, Facebook, several webcomics, research random things on wiki & other sites, practice writing, free games, youtube, etc etc. There are infinite sources of knowledge and/or entertainment on this thing. BUT fairly often, I find that after an hour or two online or after checking the most basic of my favorite sites I am bored and am suddenly uninterested in my other options. AIM seems to be the reason I stay on it so long. AIM... and cycles of checking Facebook & sometimes 4chan.

Adriane unearthed two Furbys over a month ago. The "baby" one always manages to get bumped and woken up. It's like a normal Furby, but its voice is more whiny and obnoxious. AND IT TAKES FAR TOO LONG TO GET IT TO FALL ASLEEP. Someone stuffed it in a sleeping bag in the den and I've managed to trip over it 3 or 4 times since last night. I want to stuff it in a crate and it can be taken care of by top men. TOP MEN.

Mikya is playing one of the newer additions of DDR. I remember when I was 12 this sort of dance/techno/poppy stuff was all I thought there was too electronica. Being locked in a small pitch black room with this sort of music playing forever would probably be my personal hell. Oh! And the floor of said room would have to be impossible to sit comfortably on. ...Anyway, I'm very glad my preteen ideas about electronic music were wrong.

I hope I can get the ball rolling soon. I have stuff to do today. I guess the first thing is to make some calls & finish that last application...

I'm going to try to get myself on a good mood streak. So far so good. I got some things done today. I didn't accomplish everything I listed yesterday, but I did other stuff to compensate. I got a lift to the east side to fill my prescription at Rite Aid. I walked from there to OC, dropping off the resumes off & picking up job applications where I could. The walk to OC was long enough that I felt like I got a decent amount of exercise. OC is a ghost town since the quarter is over. I poked around that joint until my Mom picked me up. While they ran to Cash & Carry I went into the bowling alley and picked up an application for employment. Apparently, they are accepting them, but the clerk didn't know for what positions. I think it'd be a pretty neat place to work considering all the different activities they have & all the characters that haunt it. I'll run the application back over there earlyish tomorrow. I returned back to my Mom and Bill's and hopped online. Sounds like Adriane had a busy day... Anyway, about 15 minutes ago I got a call from a Safeway in Seattle (...I don't actually know which one, as I've applied to about 8 locations.) I am to call the hiring manager there back in one week (or maybe it was 2 weeks? ...She said the Monday after the holiday. I will call both times to be safe) and I will schedule an appointment for an interview that will take place the next day.

Tomorrow my plans are sort of up in the air. I'd really really like to catch the ferry to Seattle and then bus down to Tacoma to visit Adriane. I'll have to talk to her about that later. ...But before I do that I'm going to run a couple job applications back to their correlating businesses... and it seems like I had another errand to run, but I can't remember. I also have the option to hangout with friends in town if Tacoma doesn't work out or we reschedule it. Regardless, I feel like I have enough time to see family, friends from out of town (or in town,) and of course Adriane plenty during the next couple weeks. It's cool that people are back in town for the holidays, I really should see some of those friends.

I've really been enjoying these mellow jams by bands like The Clash lately.

ENOUGH.

With New Year's just around the corner, I've come up with two resolutions for myself.
The first is that I will quit smoking. My last cigarette that I will smoke until I rid myself of my addiction will be a moment after midnight, New Year's Day. I say a moment after, because I have more important things to do at stroke of midnight. If I quit smoking I will feel generally more healthy, have better stamina, and of course... more money.
My second resolution is that I will try very hard to be positive and optimistic. Today, after some stress a good friend pointed out to me, that I am often pessimistic and make excuses for being so. So, as my resolution, I am going to try very hard to correct that. I will only be negative when the situation truly truly calls for it. Otherwise, I am only wasting time and possibly hurting others, as I did today and have done so in the past.

On another, somewhat related note. I've decided to try out for a position at the Shipyard when they have their next opening. I'm told that they are accepting applicants for their "helper" program at their opening on January 22nd. I will be there dressed to impress with my resume and test scores. The shipyard has always been something I tried to avoid in the past, but in the past month or longer I've realized that there are more important things than the ideas and pride I held from 16 to 19. The shipyard is not a life-sentence so much as it could be a stepping stone to get where I want to be. ...And more importantly at the moment, it will be work and it will get me out from under either of my parents, which has been driving my mad. Oh, the glory of living on my own will be unmatched, even taking into account the new responsibilities and challenges.



This other section is really more "notes to self" for tomorrow, so just ignore it if you want. I have things I want to get done and it always helps me to write things down.
-Call doctor so he'll write up my Rx. Pick up Rx at pharmacy.
-Call various pawnshops so I can get rid of that box of undesirable DVDs and games in my room. Run to the pawnshop (that takes DVDs,) and earn some extra holiday cash.
-Pick up that special gift I've been working for (and am rather excited about.)
-Bundle up and distribute resumes & applications all along Kitsap Way. I'll need a job, any job will suffice for now. ...Which is what I've been saying all along, even though I was avoiding drive-thru fast food.

I often have the urge to make posts on Facebook along the lines of "Who wants to talk to me whilst I'm pretty buzzed?" Only happens this time of night, when I've had too large of a night cap.

The best time to wear a striped sweater

is all the time!

THE HOT TUB'S TOO HOT!!

-Unfortunately, had to cancel my plans to go to what appears to be a jazz nightclub with Nick & his other friend also named James. I'd really hoped to celebrate Nick's 21st birthday with him, but I had to come to terms with my present financial status. Now that it's all said & done; it sounds like everything worked out for those guys anyway & I'll definitely have to celebrate with them another time.
-I enjoyed a tasty Thanksgiving Dinner with Adriane over at her Mom & Stepdad's home, here in Bremerton. All of the food was delicious & the company was quite comfortable. We returned to my house in time to see most of my family leave. I was tired & not as social as I could have been or wanted to be, really. My night ended early, as Thanksgiving often does.
-I've been on "the wagon" (marijuana one) for long enough that I'm sure I'll be able to pass UAs for anything I apply for from now on. I gotta say... it was pretty easy & I feel good about practicing some self-discipline. I won't get off said wagon until I'm comfortably employed somewhere.
-Speaking of employment; I'm motivated to do some serious job searching and applying today. My search has already begun and will resume as soon as finish this essay.
-Referring back to "the wagon" again. I've been drinking a steady amount of alcohol since probably Wednesday, the majority of which has been wine. I love it & I have had a good week, but I decided to cease all drinking for a little while. I won't be as devoted to it as I am with smoking, but it will take a good occasion to convince me to have more than one drink. ...Basically, I will be stone cold sober for the first time in a minute and it will make me feel good both mentally & physically.
-Yesterday's highlights include; eating Thanksgiving food for all three meals, wandering around the Silverdale mall with Adriane, getting my hair cut & hanging out at her Mom's residence for awhile, and a fun time at Charles' house with he & Monica.
-I don't know what today holds, but I imagine it will be a little more mellow. There are a number of things I want to look into for employment & I don't doubt Adriane will want to do some school work. I've also got some laundry going & other chores I could do if I really want to, but I don't know why I'd mention that on here.
-I have terrible cotton mouth & it's killing me. Nothing seems to relieve it.

..Your head will collapse, but there's nothing in it and you'll ask yourself:

Friday
-Much to my relief, I motivated myself out of a depressed slump at my Dad's house and out the door. I bussed to Downtown where I caught the 5:30 boat by a hair. There must have been something happening in Seattle because the ferry was packed with a variety of middle-aged yuppies, eccentrics, and generally uninteresting looking people.
-Had more time to listen to music than usual. My recent favorites are SebastiAn, Doves, and Wolf Parade among all the other stuff that I've heard too frequently on my iPod.
-I met Adriane in downtown Bremerton shortly after my arrival. We went to my Mom & Step-father's house, where we've been for most of the weekend.
-She, I do adore.
-Adriane & I went to bed early.

Yesterday
-I'd have to say it was an excellent day here in Bremerton, which... I don't think I've been able to say in some time.
-I'm trying to not bring it up much, but it feels like an accomplishment so I will. I had my monthly doctor's appointment at 8:45 where my prescription for ADD drugs was upped in the slightest. ...It worked out nicely because although these are slightly stronger, the structure of the extended release gel would seem to be thicker or slower-dissolving. ...Thus, I get the medicinal effects I desire with very little of the potent "recreational" ones.
-As some of you may know, my wallet was misplaced while on the long trip back from Las Vegas. Well, I decided it'd just be best to replace my state ID. Adriane gave me that push out the door. ...So I have a legal ID with which I may purchase alcohols again, drive in cars & junk, but ne'er the both of them at the same time.
-On what must have been a whim, Adriane & I cleaned the downstairs bathroom. ...it is probably cleaner than it has ever been since we moved into this house 6? years ago, save for when we moved in of course.
-I had a 2Below & defeated Bill at chess, reinstating an old feud. I guess. Felt good, man.
-Food stuffs
-Enjoyed a relaxing night at home again.
...
-In contradiction to my comment about the "recreational" effects of my medicine, I ended up not sleeping. I didn't intentionally do it. I'm sure it has to do with a week-or-so lapse in taking the meds, increasing their potency on my brain. I don't expect it will happen again. That said, I have now been up... 28 hours and am only now feeling rather fatigued. It's alright though... "Lesson learned." ...and I managed to get a great deal of writing & thinking done.

Today
-Decided to get ready for the day at about 6:30; showered, changed, groomed, etc. And I spent far too long putting a new notch in the belt I brought with me to town.
-I really enjoyed the time I spent with Adriane just hanging out in my old room. My newly cleaned old room.
-I rode with Adriane to McDonalds before they stopped serving breakfast. I think I like going for a drive in the morning, there's something refreshing about it.
-Most of the time between then & now has been pretty laid-back and will probably continue to be so for what's left of the day. (I was surprised to see it is only 1, it sorta felt like 5 or 6. I'm wondering if it's how the shadows hit the windows of the den.)

(!)Shortly ago I checked my e-mail expecting nothing particularly notable; jokes from my Grandmother, acknowledgment of applications I sent to various places, and junk mail. It would seem I have an interview at Buckle in the Silverdale Mall tomorrow afternoon. I'm not announcing that I have it because my hopes are particularly high, though I will give it my best shot as its probably a decent enough job. I am mentioning this interview because Buckle is pretty low on the list of places I'd have saw myself working. It's an overpriced "hip" clothing store in a mall... they want me to know more about fashion than I presently do, that being common sense & a slightly artistic eye. Wish me luck. I believe there are three openings; GOLD: Full Time, SILVER: Part Time, or PARTICIPATION: Temp/Seasonal. Full time would make me the happiest boy in the world these days, and then either of the others would definitely suffice. MONEY. SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT. PROGRESS TOWARDS BIGGER THINGS. YES PLEASE!

-Adriane is kicking butt on her homework & I just spent too much time typing this entry.

...Slightly fatigued, but feeling quite refreshed this weekend.

I'll be here until Tuesday in the later afternoon. My cell phone is operational for now. K, bye.

FUCK.

Enough is enough.

I am back in Seattle. I returned home to find my living space completely trashed which has put a damper on my already deteriorating mood. ...deteriorating from feeling sub-par, physically. It's like... there's heat in the house now, but who gives a shit.

I don't think it's possible for me to be content living at either my Mom's or Dad's houses. I just can't win, and it feels pretty lame.

On a positive note; I've nearly made my quota of processed job applications for the day (10.) It makes me feel like I've done something somewhat productive and for that I am pleased. I need to find a job before Christmas. So long as I can have one paycheck in my pocket in time to pick up a few gifts and indulge in a celebration or two, I will be satisfied. I've been offered some odd jobs by various people that I will more than likely take up in the mean time.

I will be returning to Bremerton in 4 or 5 days to fill a prescription and visit some folks, as usual. It sounds like some individuals will be back in town for a few days as well. Let's hangout. If I'm motivated enough, or dare I say... lucky? ...I'll find my wallet, or at least replace my ID and perhaps I can have drinks with someone.

As some of you may know; we have two turtles, a male and a female. The male turtle is trying to mate with the female. He tickles her and then does a fancy dance for her, but she won't have it. ...if you were the last turtle on Earth.

I am a sick person.
cough cough.
ahem ahem.
sniff sniff.
Feed me smoothies.

Beginning Sunday night at about 9 or 10 o'clock I developed pretty nasty cold or flu symptoms, the primary and most uncomfortable symptom being a painfully unproductive cough. I haven't been coughing nearly as much today as the previous day. I'm wondering if that's a good sign or a bad sign. I have been extremely fatigued all day. I've mostly slept, with 10 or 15 minute windows of Spongebob before I passed out again. I'm up now. I can't stand being forced to be unproductive. At least I don't get sick like this, but every couple years.

There is still talk of Sarah Palin running for office in 2012 even though 7 out of 10 Americans don't think she's fit for the job. I think she's a proud idiot and I'd probably attempt to move to Canada in the event she became president. Well, she'd have to really step up her shit for me to want to remain in The States... I wouldn't go far, just somewhere in British Columbia on the coast. 

I'm working on a list of my quirks for the hell of it. Here we go...
-Actually "knocks on wood" when I or someone else says it, or the situation calls for it. ...has to be wood, too. I'm not even superstitious.
-Applies Neosporin on almost all "open wounds" whenever possible. This is not limited to the usual cuts & scrapes; but also to things like the occasional pimple, particularly if I have been picking at it. Practical? Of course. ..But I don't see a lot of other people doing it.
-Ritualistically wipes off the toilet seat everytime I go pee. I can't remember the last time there was anything to wipe up.

I've been playing Oblivion while I'm here at my Mom's in Bremerton. It's pretty damn addictive and I'll miss it when I go back to Seattle. I think I might like it more than Fallout 3, and I adore that game as well. I <3 Bethesda.

Adriane is coming to visit me today. It will be the highlight of my day.

I'm hoping to feel better tomorrow and head back to Seattle I guess.  I'm honestly far more comfortable here.

Feels like I'm losing my mind. What follows is a mostly nonsensical rant about the things that are currently angering me. I started getting all manic and angry when I couldn't find my wallet after looking in all the likely places. This entry is mostly to let off some steam, so I didn't attempt to be grammatical and/or intelligent in writing it. More or less this entry is for me, so don't read it unless you're particularly bored. Odds are I'll feel better in a little while. I'll probably even feel a little embarrassed for posting it at all.

( The Rant )

Well. I'm trying to stay optimistic. It seems more likely than not that I'll find the missing wallet and be more able to ignore the other things that urk me. I suppose if it doesn't turn up soon I may have to go to the DOL a.s.a.p. and replace my ID. As for the individuals in this house annoying the shit out of me, they'll probably be more tolerable after I have a cigarette today. You see, in my current poverty I've only managed to have a couple cigarettes a day and it's actually working out great. I hope to keep my smoking to 4 or less cigarettes from here on, and then I will attempt to quit when the more important aspects of my life are a little more orderly. Quitting will be a wonderful accomplishment that I will be happy about for the rest of my life. Anyway, I'm done with this entry.

So I am back in Seattle as of yesterday after spending just about a week with Adriane in Tacoma. I must say it was one of the most relaxing and enjoyable "just about a week"s I've had in a long time. I won't gush much, but I love that girl and she makes me feel like a million bucks sometimes [even though I presently probably only have cents to my name.] It's crazy to think we'll have been together 11 months in 10 days, and then a year in December. I'm very happy. I'm hopeful that the future will continue to be so great, and I can't wait to see what it brings. I'm very glad to have had the opportunity to stay in Tacoma with her for that time.

I spent Halloween with Adriane, Gio, Charles, and Molly. We drank Riesling and vodka drinks all night. I think everyone had a pretty good time, I know I did. Well, up until the brief part at the end of the night when I gave myself the spins, and then the following [pretty much the whole] day when I was hungover. Overall, being hungover was still worth the fun night. The group went to visit Monica at UPS the following day which was also pretty fun, despite feeling a little burned out. UPS looks like a pretty nice school. I admire the architecture and fauna, quiet calmness, and the overall mood I felt there. Still, I was glad to get back into a comfy chair later that afternoon.

I plan to come to Bremerton for at least a couple days as soon as I can afford to or can arrange a ride. Right now I am broke like the rest of this household. Before I complain about anything here, I will say that I'm not that uncomfortable here. I have most of the things I like to have available to me and I keep myself busy. The biggest discomfort about living here right now is that the heat is off and the house gets pretty cold at night; and then the smoke from the fireplaces causes my allergies to go haywire. ...I think I may actually prefer to not use the fireplaces now. The other thing that I don't like about this house is that there is close to no food. Well... the little food that is here is full of carbs and sodium. Not that I'm on a diet, but I'm health conscious enough to try and limit my intake of junk. My Dad, stepmom, and little brother can all be a serious annoyance at times, but I guess I deal with it pretty well. I try to appreciate that they are my family and the things that annoy me about them. I imagine it gives them character and I'll enjoy thinking about it some day.

I am in love with this jasmine green tea I found in the cupboard. If I add honey into it when it's still hot, it gives off one of the best smells I can think of. I'VE BEEN DRINKING GREEN TEA ALL GODDAMN DAY!

I'm still working on an autobiographical account of my trip to Las Vegas for an LJ entry. It's a text file on my desktop at the moment and I imagine I'll be in the mood to finish it pretty soon. [before I forget about it!] As I said, the road trip and my two days in Las Vegas were a blast and quite the experience. It was all fun and games of course, but I saw some interesting things and possibly had some good insights along the way.

I am back from Vegas. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" ain't got shit on me, I'll still post all about what happened. I have nothing to hide. It was a lot of fun. The road trip there was fun and the two days we spent there were too. The trip back was bad for me. I am in a mental hangover like no other. Bad anxiety. Think that's partly do to a lack of sleep. Anyway, I'll post all about Vegas later. It's good to be home. I didn't miss how cold this house is though.

Love,
James

"The band's followup to Embryonic is a complete remake of Pink Floyd's The Dark Side of the Moon "

...wait... what?

I spend a fair portion of each day looking for work. I browse job sites on the internet and roam around town with resumes. I've been living in Seattle for at least a month now and nothing has been accomplished. I returned to Seattle with the high hopes and intention of working for a paycheck. I'd half-expected to have at least a couple hundred dollars put away by now. Rather I'm calling in tabs and finding odd jobs.

The past week has been an absolute blur.

I've been listening to The Beatles, Devotchka, and various jazz. Otherwise I'm in a pretty dull state of music. I haven't found anything that I can really "get into" in awhile. After years of saying I would, I started learning to play "Blackbird" by The Beatles. I am pleased.

The other day I was fairly stoned and wandered around in the Italian festival. When we, my family, Gio and I went and sat at the fountain "My Girls" came on over the loudspeakers. I was feeling pretty tripped out and good after that.

I've spent a fair amount of the last week or two in the company of Gio and/or Adriane. Over the various hangouts we had, we played a fair amount of Rockband 2 and Beatles Rockband, smoked hookah, smoked out, and chatted about various things. It's been cool having Gio around, I think I'm pretty bored when I'm by myself all day. He's a good friend. Adriane of course, is as lovely as she is fun to be around. I'm hoping I'll be able to afford to do more exciting things with her soon enough.

Autumn is clearly with us. Rather, we are with Autumn whether we care to be or not. I'm in love with the falling of leaves and windy weather, but I miss/will miss the sunshine and warmth. October will be exciting. Zombieland comes out on the 2nd, which isn't really all that important. I just figure I'll see it if I end up with an extra ten dollars. The following weekend will be Adriane's 20th birthday. Let's do something nice for her. Two weeks later will bring my 21st birthday. I will be in Las Vegas for about three days, but am hoping to have some sort of get together somewhere more reachable for my friends. And the following and final week in October, has Halloween. I haven't the faintest what I will be doing on that day, but I'm going to try to make it awesome.

I'm hoping to come to Bremerton this week to hangout with Allison. If anyone else wants to hangout, maybe I'll just stay an extra day or two.

Best wishes friends.

Due to job interviews and a growing desire to come home, I have moved back to my father's in Seattle. Adriane helped me move here today. MY folks are out for the weekend, so I'm hoping to maybe see some people and or have a good time. Hit me up if you feel like it. If not this weekend, I'll still be here. I'm mostly free. I plan to hit the pavement several days a week, which is my only plan.